And I can’t even workout
I literally don’t want this at all I look like a whale.
I just wanna curl up in a ball underneath my covers and never leave the darkness.
Forget about food and school and everything.
It pissed me off that Ned Vizzini referred to those with eating disorders on Six North as “Anorexics”
As if they’re couldn’t be other eating disorders that exist.
And his two references consisted of them not being in the cafeteria and that they were only seen peeking out of their doors like skeletons in a closet.
Finished “It’s Kind of a Funny Story” a little while ago.
This is the next book I bought yesterday and am going to conquer before hitting my John Green binge
But maybe you should have thought that even though you wanted to be finished working 20 minutes ago
And that obviously wasn’t going to happen because of an issue that you should have stopped anyways at that time to make dinner.
You know because even though you may not be done your daughter with the restrictive eating disorder was taking a shower and is supposed to eat at CERTAIN TIMES.
But forget about it. You just started a cycle. So don’t now bug me when I barely eat a fucking thing at 8:30 pm.
Which will be shit because I have to tell her about my ED and ask if she’ll prescribe me meds.
And I’ll probably be weighed…
And I’m supposed to be keeping a journal for my therapist in discussing my empty feeling but I don’t have the energy to write out the jumbled mess in my head
Eating snacks again in addition to my meals.
But this way my meal size is smaller/more normal and less scary
And my snacks have been fruit
I love Lena Dunham.
Having a big mug of coffee won’t make me fat.
Having Irish soda bread, warm and toasted, for breakfast won’t make me fat.
Having kiwi for snack won’t make me fat.
It won’t. My brain is a LIAR. You are the enemy.
Repeat after me: I don’t need a flat tummy to be pretty. I don’t need my ribs, collar bones, hip bones, and a thigh gap to be beautiful. I am wonderful the way I am.
Counting calories is just as dumb as counting stars. You’ll never get it 100% right no matter what you do. Instead we should just appreciate that they’re there, because both stars and calories are part of something beautiful; the night sky and food.
Note to self
- It’s okay to eat
- A big breakfast doesn’t mean skipping lunch
- Eating fast food for once won’t kill you
- You didn’t gain 30lbs today
- Dinner is necessary
- Calories aren’t evil; they’re fuel
- Keep breathing no matter what